Omen of the StarsA Parody
by AWarriorsWounds
Summary: When Mary Sues attack, can anyone stop them?
1. Beginning of the End

**Well, looky here! AWW has decided to continue her parody! =D**

**DISCLAIMER (Take it away, kitties!)**

**Hawkfrost: Good evening. Vy don't you step into my parlor?**

**Mapleshade:**_** Hawkfrost...**_

**Hawkfrost: Pardon me. AVarriorsVounds owns nothing.**

**Mapleshade: Except for the Mary Sue parody-characters.**

_Our story begins with all four Clans at a typical Gathering._

Hawkfrost: *to group of she-cat apprentices* I vant to suck your blood!

_Typical, indeed._

Tawnypelt: I don't suppose it's just a coincidence that he's going after the she-cats.

Heavystep: Nope.

Tawnypelt: You're alive again?

Heavystep: I know! Except for an insatiable brainlust, I feel _great!_

Everyone: *backs away slowly*

Dragonscales: I understand your differences, because I'm so beautiful I'm an outcast. See my glimmering rainbow eyes and my gorgeous coat that gleams like diamonds in the moonlight? Aren't I, well, _beautiful?_

Heavystep: Can I kill her?

Everyone: Go ahead.

Hawkfrost: I call her blood!

Brambleclaw: Didn't I stake you in one book?

Hawkfrost: ...no...

Brambleclaw: *chipperly* Okay, then! *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: Baby, come back! You can blame it all on me!

Brambleclaw: I already _do._

_The medicine cats and the leaders seem to have kept some of their sanity._

Mistystar: *pounces on Firestar* The force of MistyXFire shippers compels you!

Jayfeather: I am so glad I can't see what just happened.

Reedwhisker: Mom?

_o_0 I'm sorry you had to see that. Let's move on to the Dysfunction Junction...quickly._

Crowfeather: Leafpool, I love you!

Nightcloud: You're supposed to love me!

Leafpool: I love you too, Crowfeather!

Nightcloud: How much did you pay for her, five mousetails?

Leafpool: Oh no you di'int! *springs at Nightcloud*

Crowfeather: 8D

Jayfeather: Daddy, I have issues. Hold me!

Breezepelt: No, hold me!

Lionblaze: Cinderheart, hold me! *clings to Cinderheart's back legs*

Cinderheart: Get off of me, perv.

Lionblaze: Fine! I'll just dream about killing you in a graphic way!

_Okay, then. Shall we see if a zombie elder and a vampire have managed to subdue a Mary Sue yet?_

Hawkfrost and Heavystep: *burp*

Hawkfrost: Oh, Narrator...

_Heh, I'll just...be over here. Heh. Heh. Oh look, Lionblaze is still trying to put the moves on the ladayz!_

Lionblaze: 'Ay, Cinderheart.

Cinderheart: Lionblaze, we're ov-

Hollyleaf: I HAVE RETURNED. *dramatic music*

_WTF?_

Hollyleaf: What does that mean?

_Uh, it means "Welcome to the forest." Heh. Heh._

Hollyleaf: Oh, well, thank you!

Hawkfrost: Oo, a new victim.

Tawnypelt: It's not your blood he wants.

She-cat apprentices: *huddling and shivering in a circle of garlic* Trust us, we would know.

Hawkfrost: So vat if my fighting technique involves getting on top of a cat and staying there for avile?

Hollyleaf: Back off, I've got Sol.

HollyXSol shippers: OMG OMG OMG...

*silence*

Lionblaze: CINDERHEART WHYYYYY...

Hollyleaf: Okay, I'm leaving. Sol!

Sol: Yes, my queen?

HollyXSol shippers: Squee! *faint*

Hollyleaf: We're leaving.

Sol: But I thought you wanted to kill ev-

Hollyleaf: *hurries out of Gathering, Sol in tow*

Hawkfrost: Blast. * eyes apprentices, still cowering in circle of garlic* Oh vell.

Apprentices: You don't want to mess with us 'cause we've got StarClan on our necklaces.

Hawkfrost: Vat the Dark Forest is a necklace?

Apprentices: WE ARE WHO WE ARE!

Hawkfrost: *backs away slowly*

_Back at the Dysfunction Junction..._

Jayfeather: *is sprawled on Crowfeather's back* I love you, Daddy!

Breezepelt: * is snuggled beside Crowfeather* No, I love you more, Daddy!

Crowfeather: o_e *glares at Nightcloud and Leafpool, who are sitting happily beside each other* Help.

Leafpool: Aw, family bonding.

Nightcloud: How sweet!

Crowfeather: *twitch twitch*

Dr. Phil: So tell me about your family issues.

Crowfeather: What the Dark Forest? Who are you?

Dr. Phil: *melting into a vaguely catlike shape* A figment of your imagination. *morphs into Dragonscales*

Everyone: o_0

Hawkfrost and Heavystep: Didn't we kill you?

Dragonscales: Mary Sues never die. They only come back- with friends. *Poof*

Mysterious black she-cat with purple eyes: Helllooo.

Tawnypelt: We are so screwed. *to Hawkfrost* YOU brought this plague upon us!

Hawkfrost: *ducks behind Heavystep* He helped.

Heavystep: Fine, you can kill me as many times as you want. I'll keep coming back.

Tawnypelt: ...how...?

Heavystep: *points to sky*

Tawnypelt: The narrator...? Wait, why is there a Twoleg at our Gathering?

_Oh *bleep*. *Runs*_

Heavystep: No, Erin Hunter.

Tawnypelt: ...

Heavystep: Never mind.

_Let's see how Dr. Phil is faring with our Dysfunction Junction... Wait, is that Tawnypelt? WHERE'D SHE GET A SHOTGUN?_

Crowfeather: I- I never knew my daddy! *wails* It makes me want to hit other cats! *smacks Breezepelt*

Dr. Phil: Uhh, may I suggest going on 'Maury'...?

Crowfeather, Breezepelt, and Jayfeather: *wail incessantly*

Nightcloud: ... *to Leafpool* Wanna go ruin another tom's life?

Leafpool: =D

Nightcloud: Hey, Rowanclaw...

_It seems like Lionblaze just won't take 'no' for an answer._

Lionblaze: Please?

Cinderheart: No.

Lionblaze: Please?

Cinderheart: Tawnypelt, are you done with that shotgun?

Lionblaze: I bathed in the blood of my enemies for you! I nearly killed full-grown fox in its own nest for you!** WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?**

Cinderheart: 0.0 Maybe if I climb a tree, you won't be able to reach me.

**PWND.**

_I wonder where Mistystar took Firestar...oh no._

Reedwhisker: Yay, I'm getting more siblings! 8D

Brambleclaw: o,0 *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: Fine! You're not worth it anyway! *goes to saw down tree that has 'SquirrelXBramble xoxo' carved into it*

Tigerstar: *leaned against tree wearing a trench coat* Wanna get some training?

Squirrelflight: STRANGER DANGER!

She-cat apprentices: *patting bare dirt within the garlic circle* Feel free to join us.

Squirrelflight: *squeezes in* Yay, I feel special! =D

Hawkfrost: You only have so much garlic.

She-cat apprentices and Squirrelflight: *huddle closer together and shiver*

_Oh look, Cinderheart climbed a tree._

Cinderheart: o.e *to Lionblaze* Go...away...

Lionblaze: *clinging to lowest branch with a terrified look on his face* SEE? I climbed a tree for you! That's proof of my devotion!

Cinderheart: You want to know how you can really prove your...obsession...to me?

Lionblaze: How, my love?

Cinderheart: Jump off a cliff.

Lionblaze: Okay!

Cinderheart: And die.

Lionblaze: Anything for you. *hurtles off conveniently placed cliff in the distance* Wheee! *splat*

Cinderheart: Whew. *climbs down from tree*

Lionblaze: Well, I didn't exactly _die..._

Cinderheart: Why me? :'(

_Hehehe...Er, sorry, Cinderheart. Shall we see if Hawkfrost is having better luck with the ladayz than Lionblaze is?_

Hawkfrost: Tick, tock, tick, tock. *holds up mouse* Aren't you getting hungry?

She-cat apprentices: We ate before we left, genius.

Hawkfrost: Vell, then. Mind if I stay her avile?

She-cat apprentices: Yes.

Hawkfrost: Too bad. Lovely night, isn't it?

She-cat apprentices and Squirrelflight: Which one of us are we gonna sacrifice?

Hawkfrost: I could stay here_ forever._

She-cats and Squirrelflight: Pinepaw, you've been kicked off the island.

Pinepaw: Oh s***.

Hawkfrost: *snatches Pinepaw* Muahahaha!

Squirrelflight: PWND.

_Hey, look, Blackstar is standing all authoritative-like!_

Blackstar: Cats of all Clans!

Everyone: *shuts up*

Blackstar: Due to numerous disappearances, we have decided to end this Gathering.

Hawkfrost: But the fun vas just beginning. *reluctantly releases Pinepaw*

Onestar: ...Well, there's one cat accounted for. Has anyone seen Firestar or Mistystar?

Jayfeather: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, YOU-

Onestar: Besides Jayfeather?

Blackstar: I think he pulled a Tiger Woods and hooked up with Mistystar.

Onestar: Case closed. Let's go get some cookies.

**...When I return from hiatus, I really return from hiatus, huh? LOL...**

**Hawkfrost: That made no sense vatsoever.**

**Me: Shut up, Hawkfrost. Thanks for reading, people! :)**


	2. A New Wave

**Because I left the few readers I had hangin' for months, I'm POWER UPDATING SHAZAM. And I like publishing stuff.**

**Before I begin, I wish to thank all of my readers! I went from 20-some hits to 244! Thank you so much; you guys are awesome! :D Take this next chapter as a token of my gratitude. **

**DISCLAIMER:**

**Hawkfrost: AVarriorsVounds owns nothing except for those awful Mary Sue parodies, this is taking vay too long, yadda yadda...**

_What a peaceful day. Dovepaw and Ivypaw are chatting while Dragonscales makes sure her glossy fur is groomed to perfection._

Dovepaw: What a lovely day.

Dragonscales: I know, I'm gorgeous. Trolololo...

Dovepaw and Ivypaw: You be trollin'.

Dragonscales: IMMA FIRIN MY LAZOR-

Ivypaw: That meme is SO long dead.

Dragonscales: *scoffs and storms away* DON'T CHALLENGE THE DRAGONSCALES.

Ivypaw: She told us not to challenge her, then she walked away...

Lionblaze: How can you be concerned about that when I can't find Cinderheart?

Dovepaw: Why'd you break up in the first place?

Lionblaze: I bathed in the blood of _one little fox_ and she's worried she'll be next. *harrumphs* She-cats.

Dovepaw and Ivypaw: ...

Lionblaze: If you see her, let me know!

Dovepaw: 'kay then. *to Ivypaw* Should we go hunting?

Ivypaw: I bet I can catch the most prey!

Dovepaw: You're just jealous because Tigerheart loves me and not you! *stomps off, wailing*

Ivypaw: 0.0

_Aww, poor Cinderheart. Lionblaze finally found her._

Cinderheart: I have a restraining order!

Lionblaze: Are you just playing hard to get?

Cinderheart: *sarcasm* Yes.

Lionblaze: But you're the only cat I haven't dreamed of tearing limb from limb!

Cinderheart: Thank...you? Hey, Brambleclaw!

Brambleclaw: What? *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: Will you ever love me again?

Brambleclaw: When hedgehogs fly.

Hedgehogs: *flapflap*

Brambleclaw: 0_0

Cinderheart: You wouldn't happen to have a gun on hand, would you?

Brambleclaw: You're on your own. *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: *points to flying hedgehogs* :3

Brambleclaw: When _mice_ fly.

Mice: *woosh*

Brambleclaw: When_ squirrels _fly.

Squirrels: Wheee!

Brambleclaw: When _Twolegs _fly.

*Airplane containing Twolegs flies overhead*

Brambleclaw: IS THERE NOTHING SACRED?

Dragonscales: Nope.

Hawkfrost: Certainly not vampires. Cats think I _sparkle _ven I step into the sun.

Everyone: Who said that?

Hawkfrost: Me. I'm in my underground coffin.

Firestar: Where are you?

Hawkfrost: Under the apprentice's den.

Everyone: o_0

Hawkfrost: *to Dovepaw and Ivypaw* Free candy!

Dovepaw: *backs away slowly*

Ivypaw: *shrugs and vanishes underground*

Hawkfrost: Yay! :3

Firestar: Why in the name of the StarClan is there a vampire in the camp? Didn't you get staked in one book?

Hawkfrost: ...no...

Firestar: Okay, then! *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: That's Brambleclaw's line.

Firestar: We have lines?

Squirrelflight: Yes. We're fictional characters thought up by Erin Hunter. *points to Dragonscales* Except for her. Her species is thought up by bad fanfiction writers.

Firestar: So everything I say is what Erin Hunter wanted me to say?

Squirrelflight: Pretty much, yeah.

Firestar: Poopies.

Squirrelflight: WTF?

_Heh, Hollyleaf still thinks 'WTF' means "Welcome to the Forest. What and idio...oh, hello, Hollyleaf. I didn't realize you were standing there...Is that a knife you're holding?_

Cinderheart: Didn't Tawnypelt shoot you, Narrator?

_...no..._

Cinderheart: *chipperly* Okay, then! *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: *facepaw* o_e

Brambleclaw: But I still love you!

Squirrelflight: Really? =D

Brambleclaw: No.

Lionblaze: But I don't hate you, Cinderheart! I have pictures of you in my nest!

Cinderheart: So that's why you never let anyone touch your bedding...

Lionblaze: ;D

Cinderheart: If I say I love you, will you go away?

Jayfeather: NOBODY LOVES ME.

Dragonscales: I understand your differences-

Jayfeather: Back off before I beat you to death with Stick.

Hawkfrost: May I kill her just one more time?

Everyone: _**NO.**_

Mysterious purple-eyed black she-cat: Doooo eeeet.

Firestar: Who are you, anyway?

Mysterious purple-eyed black she-cat: Diamondshimmer.

Firestar: ...As far as Mary Sue names go, that one is almost _normal._

Diamondshimmer: My mother always repressed me. :(

Jayfeather: I have daddy issues. :(

Dragonscales: I'm so beautiful it's a curse. :(

Diamondshimmer, Jayfeather, and Dragonscales: *burst into bawling fit*

Crowfeather: I love to abuse other cats! *kills Dragonscales and Diamondshimmer* See ya!

Everyone: F***.

Gorgeous she-cat with light amber eyes and a long flowing pelt like a golden skein: Hello.

Leafpool: If I ever get my paws on Crowfeather...

Firestar: *exasperated* And who are you?

Mary Sue: Pheonixinferno.

Firestar: Shouldn't there be another Mary Sue...?

Another Mary Sue: *appears behind Firestar* HALLO.

Firestar: Wow, a brown tabby! What's your name?

Another Mary Sue: Mousefoot.

Firestar: You are so not a-

Mousefoot: I can heal any cat just by touching them.

Firestar: -Mary Sue. -_-

Mousefoot: Where's your medicine cat? I need to kill him and take over his job.

Leafpool: So, you basically feel up sick cats to make them better?

Mousefoot: Yep. =D

Leafpool: I'll just die of greencough, kthxbai.

Mousefoot: Is anyone sick? ;)

Everyone: *retreats into their dens*

Cinderheart: *from the warrior's den* WHO LET LIONBLAZE IN HERE? GETHIMOFFGETHIMOFFGETHIMOFF-

Dovepaw: *from the apprentice's den* 'Ay, Tigerheart, how's it goin'?

Daisy: *from the nursery* Ferncloud, you need to stop having kits!

Ferncloud: Shut up, Daisy! You're the one who's so sweet you give cats diabetes!

Firestar: *from the ALL POWERFUL LEADER'S DEN* Mistystar?

_And so it has begun._

Hawkfrost: Vat's begun?

_The attack of the Mary Sues._

Hawkfrost: Vill this ever air on the Syfy channel?

_Maybe._

Hawkfrost: Look for the Sharktopus making a cameo appearance. =D

**Thanks to all the people who reviewed! The next chapter will come in January- next year! Whoot whoot! Until then, farewell! =)**


	3. Runaways

**AWW has returned! With my OotS parody!**

**DISCLAIMER TIME: (Hawkfrost, that's your job)**

**Hawkfrost: *groan* But it's been so loooong... AVarriorsVounds owns nothing...except the Mary Sues.**

**Sorry to keep you guys waiting. I'll get better at updating, I swear. :)**

**P.S. I'd appreciate it if you could check out my new fic The Unraveling Universe. Pwease?**

Dovepaw: Oh, what a beautiful mooooorning...*sees dead body of Mousefoot* Oh noez! Someone's killed a Mary Sue!

Sandstorm: And we're upset about that because...?

Hawkfrost: Ven they are murdered, they come back to life- vith a friend.

Squirrelflight: Hawkfrost, did you kill Mousefoot?

Hawkfrost: *hangs head shamefully*

Orange tom with rainbow eyes: I HAVE ARRIVED.

Firestar: Lemme guess. Your name involves something to do with beasts of lore, a fancy-pants synonym for fire, and/or a precious gem.

Gary Stu: Actually, it's Gaypride.

Firestar: That's new. *snicker*

Gaypride: Gay also means happy, sicko.

Brambleclaw: Then why is the suffix _pride?_

Gaypride: My leader was a jerk.

Hawkfrost: Vat happens if ve kill _him?_

Gaypride: I'm warning you, the cat I'll bring back with me is named Let'sRide.

Dustpelt: *raises paw* Is it bad that I **really **want to kill him now?

* * *

_After seperating Gaypride and Dustpelt, the camp is somewhat normal._

Hawkfrost: *petting a baby Sharktopus* Vat is this "normal" of vich you speak?

_Notice how I said "somewhat."_

Hawkfrost: Oh, okay. *to baby Sharktopus* I shall call you Squishy, and you shall be my Squishy.

_o_0 He wasn't kidding about that Sharktopus thing._

*Suddenly, a cat wails in agony!*

Everyone: Dustpelt...-_-

*Suddenly, nothing happened!*

Firestar: Really, Dustpelt? Just...really?

*What? It happened _suddenly._*

Let'sride: Hey girlfriend. =D

Dustpelt: I regret nothing.

Let'sride: How's it goin'?

Brambleclaw: Dustpelt, I'm gonna kill you. _**GLEEFULLY.**_

Let'sride: Those shoes _so _do not match that top.

Brambleclaw: ...The *bleep* are shoes? *lifts paws to form a cross* Stay away, ye foul heathen!

Everyone: ...

Dragonscales: Homophobe.

Everyone: ...The *bleep* is that?

Dragonscales: See? Original characters are smarter than canon characters!

Hawkfrost: Let's kill her. Sic 'em, Squishy!

Everyone: *is surprisingly calm considering there's a FRIGGIN' SHARKTOPUS ON THE LAM*

Squishy: Growl. Rawr.

Hawkfrost: Fiercer, Squishy!

Squishy: Raawr.

Hawkfrost: *facepaw* How can I train you to attack Mary Sues ven you can't even roar properly?

Squishy: Screw this, I'm getting cookies. *to Squirrelflight* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: O.O Even a Sharktopus hates me. My life is pointless. T.T

Brambleclaw: Isn't it obvious that I'm still wildly devoted to you, even though I shoot death glares at you every time you look at me?

Squirrelflight: ...no...

Brambleclaw: *chipperly* Okay, then! *to Squirrel...wait, what?* I still hate you.

Squirrelflight: Squishy, wait! I'm going with you!

Cinderheart: *stumbling away while Lionblaze clings to her back legs* Take me, too!

Ivypaw: **OH PLEASE TAKE ME TOO-**

Hawkfrost: Vait! I can explain-

Ivypaw: Why you kept me in a dungeon?

Firestar: ...You have a dungeon?

Hawkfrost: Vat vampire doesn't?

Firestar: ...True.

Dovepaw: Squishy, are we going through ShadowClan territory?

Squishy: Maybe. Why?

Dovepaw: No reason. *thinking* ...

_Squishy, Squirrelflight, Cinderheart, Ivypaw, and Dovepaw leave...presumably to form a feminist group._

Hawkfrost: Drat. :(

Lionblaze: Noez!

Brambleclaw: SQUIRRELFLIGHT WHYYYY...*coughs* I mean, uh, good riddance.

_With four...err, five valuable warriors gone, can the Clans survive the Mary Sue invasion? _

Hawkfrost: No.

**I'm baaack...and please, understand that I meant no offense at ALL to any group of people mentioned.**

**Review plz? :) I promise I won't leave you guys hanging until the next year ever again.**


	4. Ten New Recruits

**HI DER. I've returned! It seems that my parody notebook has vanished OH GOD WHHHYYY so I must use my memory to write. Sooo...Hawkfrost can do the disclaimer again!**

**Hawkfrost: Blast. Just as I vas getting used to daily life again, YOU HAD TO COME BACK. **

**Without further ado, THARS A PARODY NEEDS TYPIN**

_The travelling group finds themselves somewhere on the ShadowClan border. _

Dovewing: *jumps from bush to bush* ...

Squishy: Is she always like that?

Squirrelflight: Yes, but you'll get used to it. Haven't you ever felt the same way about another...Sharktopus?

Squishy: I think I'm genderless.

Dragonscales: *arrogant toss of gorgeous ruff around neck* Well, _I _certainly wouldn't fall head over heels for a tom. *falls madly in love with a flippin' tree*

Cinderheart: And just when did you get here?

Dragonscales: I have to be the center of attention at all times.

Cinderheart: O...kay...

Dovewing: TIGERHEART! *pounces into bush*

Tigerheart: Dovewing, I lo-mrfmrfmrf...*loud gargling*

Dovewing: *walks out of bush, duct tape in mouth* Jerk wants to steal ThunderClan's herbs...

Dragonscales: I LOVE YOU, PINE

_There is a tacit agreement to put Dovewing's tape to even more good use. A few minutes later, Dragonscale's mouth is covered by hot pink duct tape._

Squishy: When we remove it, rip out her whiskers.

Dragonscales: *muted sobbing* treeee help meeee i'm so uselesssss i must rely on another beeeeeing for survivalllll

_After walking and walking, the group manages to return to ThunderClan's camp, obviously because of Squishy's wonderful internal compass._

Everyone: Squishy, how about we lead the way?

Dragonscales: treeeeee where did you gooooo

Lionblaze: Cinderheart, I knew you'd come back for me!

Cinderheart: Well, this is just GREAT.

Brambleclaw: Thank goodness you're back. We needed you to combat the Mary Sue infestation.

Ivypool: Have there been any more... outbreaks?

Brambleclaw: Well, Hawkfrost and Dustpelt killed Gaypride and Let'sride to see who they would bring back.

Squirrelflight: I don't like where this is going...

Brambleclaw: SHUT IT, SQUIRRELFLIGHT, NO ONE ASKED YOU FOR YOUR OPINION. As I was saying, the four new cats are Yeehaw, Fabulousfur, Rainbowfur, and Twilightsparkle.

Cinderheart: _Twilightsparkle? _

Brambleclaw: Well, Edward is more interested in Jacob than Bella...

Cinderheart: And why are there _four _Mary Sues?

Brambleclaw: They're multiplying. For each Mary Sue killed, two are brought back with the original. Though, I will say, they're quite productive, when they aren't trying to invade RiverClan and turn their camp into a gay bar.

Hawkfrost: I deny assisting them.

Ivypool: I thought you loved me!

Hawkfrost: Vell, I'm like Pyramid Head. I don't care about gender...or species.

Everyone: OH GOD NO NOT ANOTHER GUEST CHARACTER

_HAHAHA, OH YES._

Pyramid Head: HALLO.

Firestar: Is this Warriors, or Warriors, a Sharktopus, and Pyramid Head?

Squirrelflight: Now, Pyramid Head, you know not to kill the Mary Sues, right?

Pyramid Head: *hides Great Knife full of impaled Mary Sues behind back* Sure...whatever.

Squishy: And is he here just for fanservice,and to be the crazy person who's always killing Mary Sues?

Brambleclaw: Let's just anoint him "Plot Device." Hello, Plot Device!

Six new Mary Sues: Hello, Plot Device!

_Oh, Pyramid Head is just _evil.

Pheonixinferno: Was I not mentioned for a whole CHAPTER? Great StarClan!

_Please, ignore her. Dovewing and her trusty duct tape will take care of that Mary Sue swiftly._

Pyramid Head: You know, I am a _very_ dangerous person. I request being locked up, with a guard of females only at all hours.

Firestar: Yeeeahhh...you can have the Mary Sues.

Twilightsparkle: ME FIRST!

Pyramid Head: o,o

Firestar: On second thought, get out.

Hawkfrost: And vy vas I not mentioned, either? The author loves PH more than me, that's vy!

_I swear that's not true!_

Hawkfrost: Yes, it is! You know very vell it is true!

_Hawkfrost, wait, come back to me!_

Hawkfrost: It is too late, narrator/author.

Firestar: *clears throat* Hawkfrost, just who are you talking to?

Hawkfrost: The narrator/author, of course!

Firestar: We don't hear anyone.

Hawkfrost: But...but...

Mousefoot: *sidles up to Hawkfrost and whispers in his ear* I can also make someone forget anything at will, _just by touching them._

Hawkfrost: D: Did no one hear that?

Leafpool: Is she talking about feeling cats up again? GREAT STARCLAN, MUST YOU BE SO TOUCHY-FEELY WITH OUR BODIES?

Mousefoot: Shut your mouth. I am the best medicine cat in these woods, and you know it.

Hawkfrost: Vait. Vy am I in ThunderClan? I vas a RiverClan cat.

Brambleclaw: And this is related, _how?_

_..._

_..._

_NEXT TIME, on _Warriors+Sharktopus vs. Silent Hill, _will RiverClan hold under the pressure of Gayquest? And will my parody actually be funny again? And will Pyramid Head prove to be an unlikely ally? lulz, no. _

**SEE YOU NEXT TIME, VIEWER. *makes grabby hands at PH***


	5. The Invasion

**HAHAHA, YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD SEEN THE LAST OF AWW. Powerupdate, disclaimer, yadda yadda yadda...**

_In the forest, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse._

Firestar: Well, we're screwed, if we can't find prey.

_And Pyramid Head is absent. DO A HEAD COUNT ON ALL THE SHE-CATS, QUICKLY._

Firestar: Let's just pretend he never happened, k?

_I know, right? Jeez, the author must be an idiot...oh wait..._

Firestar: *facepaw*

_So, uhh, where were we? Oh yes, something about the Mary Sues!_

Firestar: No, we're discussing how the author is an idiot.

_STHU before I break your face with a book._

Firestar: Facebook! :D

_...? ANYway, the Mary Sues are gathered near the RiverClan border. Except for the...flamboyant toms. THEY are hunting and making themselves USEFUL._

Dragonscales: You have been called here today for a very important reason.

Pheonixinferno: TACOS?

Dragonscales: It's a good thing you're pretty.

Pheonixinferno: *sound of wind going in one ear and out the other*

Dragonscales: We must plan our conquest over the Clans. We have a good foothold, but the rest of our climb will be treacherous. We must die...repeatedly...until we can rival the Clans, StarClan, and the Dark Forest.

Pheonixinferno: Group suicide?

Dragonscales: You are a mentally handicapped squirrel.

Diamondshimmer: We must kill their leaders, stick their heads on a pike, and make nests out of their entrails! SHINYOBJECTCLAN SHALL RULE THE FOREST!

Dragonscales: You are a mentally handicapped squirrel with a sharp object.

Mousefoot: Can we touch them? :D

*silence*

Jadefur, a she-cat with sea green eyes and nose, for some inexplicable reason: Jeez, what is it with you and touching other cats?

Mousefoot: Not just cats...

Jadefur: *mutters to Blueocean, a drop-dead gorgeous she-cat* Poor Squishy.

Mousefoot: Not just Squishy.

_HEY, NOW, PH is MINE._

Dragonscales: Okaaaayyy, how about the new Mary Sues introduce themselves?

Jadefur: Suuuup?

Blueocean: I love every tom in the forest.

Butterflyeyes: I love everyone...if you catch my drift.

Stargaze: I'm pregnant, because I loved every tom in the forest.

_Aw, crap._

Dragonscales II: Heeeey, Dragonscales.

Dragonscales: What on earth? That's MY name!

Dragonscales II: It's my name too, now! :D

Dragonscales: But...but I'm no longer original!

Everyone: Oh, no...

Dragonscales I&II: "Oh, no" what?

Everyone: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

Dragonscales: Huh?

Jadefur: You see, when two Mary Sues receive the same name, they must fight to the death over who gets to keep that name.

Diamondshimmer: EVISCERATE EACH OTHER! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Jeeeeeesus, never let her get ahold of the Great Knife._

Dragonscales II: So... one of us has to _die?_

Diamondshimmer: This is _so _going on YouTube.

Jadefur: Of course, one of you must die. Two Mary Sues simply cannot have the same name.

Dragonscales: And just _who_ made this rule?

Jadefur: The gods of FanFiction themselves.

Dragonscales: ...Those dudes writing Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy slash fiction?

Jadefur: _What?_ Of course not...or at least, I don't believe so. Just...just kill each other already. Diamondshimmer's getting impatient.

Diamondshimmer: *frothing at the mouth with a murderous gleam in her eyes*

Dragonscales II: On the count of five, we shall fight with utmost nobility and honor for the privilege of owning the name of Dragonscales. One...two...threeeeeee...fouuuuuurrrrrr...

Dragonscales: FIVE! *leaps and claws Dragonscales II's throat out*

Dragonscales II: Or...not... *dies*

Dragonscales: Where were we again?

Mousefoot: We were touching each other!

Dragonscales: Let it go.

Mousefoot: *pouts*

Dragonscales: We must go to the cats we know will kill us. Let us find the most likely candidates.

_A few minutes later, the group has compiled a list. It reads:_

PYRAMID HEAD

HAWKFROST

HEAVYSTEP

Pheonixinferno: *shudders* Pyramid Head? Won't he... y'know...

Dragonscales: That's exactly what I was thinking, Mentally Handicapped Squirrel. Who wrote that one?

Mousefoot: *raises paw* :D

Dragonscales: Cross him off.

_The group revises their list._

HAWKFROST

HEAVYSTEP

POSSIBLY LIONBLAZE, IF WE TICK HIM OFF SUFFICIENTLY

Dragonscales: Excellent. Let us begin the conquest.

**They're taking over! Ohh nooooo!**


	6. Killing Spree

**Hey. What's up? I'm making up for my lack of updating with POWERUPDATES. So...yeah. Enjoy, reader! :D It has come to my attention that some pious homophobic's Gaydar has gone off, and it was pointing directly at my fic. LET'S CRANK THIS BABY INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE! :D :D :D**

_The group of Mary Sues has separated to hunt down the three cats on their list. Dragonscales, Jadefur, and Blueocean are charming Hawkfrost. Pheonixinferno, Diamondshimmer, and Butterflyeyes storm the deepest reaches of RiverClan territory in the pursuit of zombie Heavystep. Stargaze, who looks somewhat similar to Cinderheart, is trying to agitate Lionblaze. Mousefoot, of course, has gone in search of Pyramid Head. The toms are STILL being productive members of the Clan._

_We shall track Mousefoot._

Mousefoot: I shall fiiiind him...and when I doooo...he shall be miiiine! Allllll miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! Heh...heh...come out, come out, wherever you are, Pyramid Head! I'm waiting for you!

Tawnypelt: *whispers to Kinkfur* What is she doing?

Kinkfur: I don't know, but she seems insane. Isn't she that Mary Sue everyone keeps worrying about?

Tawnypelt: No, I think that's Diamondshimmer. B*tch is _insane._

Kinkfur: Then who's this one?

Tawnypelt: Mousefoot.

Kinkfur: Her? A Mary Sue? You're joking, ri-

Tawnypelt: She heals cats by touching them.

Kinkfur: Riiight. She's got a...thing...for that Pyramid Head?

Tawnypelt: I thought he was a Twoleg.

Kinkfur: A messed-up Twoleg, that's for sure. He's got a metal pyramid for a head, hence the name.

Tawnypelt: That creepy guy we found wandering around the woods and snatching up our she-cats?

Kinkfur: Yup, that's the one.

Mousefoot: Pyramid Heeeeeeeeaaaaad! I know you're around here somewhere! Come to meeeeeeee!

Tawnypelt: I don't need Dr. Phil to tell me she's just as wacky as Diamondshimmer.

Mousefoot: I want to touch you!

_Err...shall we see what's going on with Dragonscales's group? _

Hawkfrost: And just vy are you hanging around me like vultures to carrion?

Dragonscales: *through gritted teeth* Oh, Hawkfrost, you have such a way with words.

Hawkfrost: VAT DO YOU VANT? I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY TO HANG AROUND.

Jadefur: Can you... bite us?

Hawkfrost:Vat? That's the strangest request I've ever received.

Blueocean: Pleeeeease? *kitten eyes* :3

Hawkfrost: Vell, alright. I'm swayed.

Haha, I will actionblock you to bring you to Pheonixinferno's group. PWND.

Pheonixinferno: But I can't find any tacos!

Butterflyeyes: We are not looking for tacos, Mentally Handicapped Squirrel.

Diamondshimmer: We are looking for Heavystep so we can tear him limb from limb! AHAHAHAHA!

Butterflyeyes: That's Pinkie Pie levels of insanity right there.

Diamondshimmer: Who wants _CUPCAKES? :D_

Butterflyeyes: D: Please, don't bring that up. PLEASE OH PLEASE, DON'T...

Diamondshimmer: Well, I was the one who wrote it...

Butterflyeyes: SCREW THIS, I AM GOING TO MY HAPPY PLACE.

Pheonixinferno: Where is it?

Butterflyeyes: Any place where you two aren't! *retreats, presumably to help Mousefoot locate PH*

Diamondshimmer: Come back! I just made the cupcakes today!

Pheonixinferno: Found it! *points to hole in ground*

Diamondshimmer: Good work, Apple Bloom- err, Mentally Handicapped Squirrel.

Pheonixinferno: *derpy eyes* i DiD iT!

Diamondshimmer: Heavystep...

Heavystep: WTH do you want?

Pheonixinferno: To die!

Heavystep: o,o

Diamondshimmer: Yesss...we're so tasty...

_Om nom nom. :3 We could go find the gay toms, but they're too busy building new nests and catching prey for everybody. They don't have time for us to bother them. Instead, let's go visit a more nonproductive Mary Sue: Stargaze..._

Stargaze: Lionblaze...

Lionblaze: What?

Stargaze: Lionblaze...

Lionblaze: Yeah?

Stargaze: _LIONBLAAAAAAAZE..._

Lionblaze: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Stargaze: So I heard you killed Russetfur.

Lionblaze: *gruffly* Listen, I have Cinderheart to stalk.

Stargaze: And I heard you're a total pansy when it comes to climbing trees and swimming.

Lionblaze: What is your problem? Can't you be more like the gay toms?

Stargaze: And is it true, you've dreamed of killing cats before?

Lionblaze: *mutters insult under his breath*

Stargaze: so i herd u liek mudkipz...

Lionblaze: I've got to go.

Stargaze: Lionblaze...

Lionblaze: WHAT?

Stargaze: The Game.

Lionblaze: *attacks Stargaze in a fit of rage, ripping her throat out, successfully killing her* Oops... *backs away slowly, then starts running*

Well, that just about covers the Mary Sues. Why don't we go see awesome Mary Sues?

Gaypride: I caught six pheasants today, what about you guys?

Rainbowfur: Aww, darn, I only caught three pheasants and six water voles. :(

Fabulousfur: Cheer up, man, you built twenty nests! That's almost ten more than the rest of us!

Twilightsparkle: Yeah, you're just as good as everyone. Now, what do you say we go hunt some more? The fresh-kill pile just seems so bare.

Yeehaw: Yeah. I mean, halfway up to Firestar's den? Kits can't survive on those meager servings!

Let'sride: First cat to catch thirty different pieces of prey is fabulous!

_Srsly, they are awesome. Everyone agrees, see?_

Firestar: I'm beginning to warm up to Mary Sues. :')

Brambleclaw: When was the last time we hunted?

Squirrelflight: Dunno, probably two moons a-

Brambleclaw: SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND SHUT IT RIGHT NOW, SQUIRRELFLIGHT.

Firestar: By the time they stop hunting for us, we'll be fatter than RiverClan. We can focus on our fighting skills and start a freaking food drive for the Clans who aren't fortunate enough to have or allow gay cats in their ranks.

Dustpelt: Fatter than RiverClan? We'll be fatter than _Americans! _

_Firestar, Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, and Dustpelt break into raucous laughter._

**No offense intended to any Americans- heck, I'm American, too. :D**


	7. Bloodbath

**HALLO. AWW HAS RETURNED- WITH A SPOOOOOF**

**Where'd we leave off again?**

**well, this is quite awkward**

_We continue to follow the progress of the Mary Sues in their quest for death._

Gaypride: Except for us!

_That is quite right. The gay toms are on a quest to turn RiverClan into a gay bar, and make the forest a better (more fabulous) place for everyone. _

_What's this? A bunch of righteous jerks with sticks jammed up their *bleep*? And they're picketing the ThunderClan camp! I'm not surprised._

Righteous Cat #1: gayz r nawt ppl to!

Righteous Cat #2: wbc has the rite idea

Diamondshimmer: Seriously, STHU. You make _me _look sane.

Firestar: And you know how absolutely bat-

Diamondshimmer: *glares at Firestar, switchblade in mouth*

Firestar: Heh. Heh. Nice... knife. I'll be... far away.

_AAAALLLRIGHTY THEN! Let's track the progress of Mousefoot in her quest to: A. Die B. Touch Pyramid Head._

Mousefoot: Pyramid...head... *keels over in exhaustion* come to meee

Pyramid Head: Excellent, another she-cat for my collection...

Pinepaw: First Hawkfrost, now Pyramid Head. WHY DOES STARCLAN HATE ME SO?

Pyramid Head: Shut it. *scoops up Mousefoot*

Mousefoot: I get the feeling you're not going to kill me.

Pyramid Head: lulz nope.

Mousefoot: FINE THEN! What if I...try to escape?

Pyramid Head: You wouldn't.

Mousefoot: Oh, I would.

Pyramid Head: I'll tear your skin off.

Mousefoot: Break my neck first.

Pyramid Head: Okay.

Mousefoot: Great, thanks.

Pyramid Head: Maybe I'll just club you to death instead AND WHY AM I EVEN DISCUSSING THIS.

_We left off with Pheonixinferno and Diamondshimmer persuading Heavystep to kill them. Let's see how it went..._

Heavystep: so delicioussssss *gnaws on leg bone crazily*

_Sweet Bluestar on a cracker. MORE MARY SUES. Let us now pray to StarClan that they are all gay. _

Hawkfrost: Mary Sues sure taste delicious...aww, crap, I vasn't supposed to eat them. *pauses to think* _ThunderClan vill stake me...but if I hide the bodies in my dungeon, they'll never find out! I can run a Mary Sue breeding operation! Hehehehe...Wait, why is everyone staring at me?_

Dustpelt: *whispers to Sandstorm* He does realize he was talking aloud, right?

_Wellll, this is awkward! See you next time, when we will have...dun dun dun...new additions! And not the kind of new additions Hawkfrost is talking about... ._

Hawkfrost: I vas kidding, I swear!

_Suuuure._

Hawkfrost: Fine, then. I vill be the bigger cat and go cuddle my Sharktopus.

_Cuddling: a sport pursued by only the manliest._

Hawkfrost: Shut your mouth before I rip your intestines out through your throat.

_Does someone need to cuddle?_

_OH DEAR STARCLAN HE'S GOT ME BLARGH *gurgling*_

**...**

**...**

**NEXT TIME ON EL SPOOFO...** **Mary Sues are taking over!**

**Was this unusually short?**

**EEK! I must add a sentence to make it longer!**

**SPIDERS HOLD FART CONTESTS IN YOUR MOUTH WHILE YOU SLEEP**

**Close enough.**


	8. In the Dungeon

**SO WE MEET AGAIN, READER.**

**This is the ninth chapter! durrr**

_We meet Hawkfrost in his dungeon. It's surprisingly spacious and cheery, considering vampire dungeons are not happy places._

Hawkfrost: Didn't I kill you one chapter ago?

_No..._

Hawkfrost: *chipperly* Okay, then! *calls out dungeon entrance to Squirrelflight* I still hate you!

Squirrelflight: Wasn't that joke old, like, three chapters ago?

Hawkfrost: No...

_No..._

Squirrelflight: *chipperly* Okay, then! *to Squir- GOD THIS IS SO CONFUSING* I still hate- aw, ****.

_Heh. Anyway, here's Hawkfrost in the dungeon._

Hawkfrost: Eeeexcellent. Many beautiful Mary Sues, all belonging to ME! AHAHAHAHA! I killed three Mary Sues... that's two for each one killed...so I shall have *pauses to type in on calculator* MATH ERROR- Godd*****.

_INTERMISSION_

Hawkfrost: I shall have eleven Mary Sues, including the originals...

Brambleclaw: Don't you mean nine...?

Hawkfrost: Math isn't my strong point, okay, jerkweed?

Brambleclaw: Jeeeez. Just thought I was helping.

Hawkfrost: YOU VEREN'T, OKAY? I'M TELLING MOMMY!

Brambleclaw: Which one, Goldenflower or Sasha?

Hawkfrost: FINE, I'M TELLING DADDY!

Tigerstar: Go back and fight like a tom, you pitiful blithering lump of jelly.

Hawkfrost: VAAAAH! I have daddy issues!

Jayfeather: So do I! Hold me!

_Hawkfrost and Jayfeather cuddle. Great StarClan, is that disturbing or what?_

Crowfeather: Aww, Jayfeather, I love you.

Jayfeather: *sniffles* Really? :D

Crowfeather: Nope. *smacks Jayfeather and runs* SEE YA!

_I don't even need to tell you what Crowfeather is. Hint: It starts with "d..."_

Hawkfrost: *hears a ding* Ooo! The Mary Sues are done! Better go get them out of the oven!

Firestar: ...Oven? o,0

Hawkfrost: 8D

Tom with pink eyes and fluffy gray pelt: It's _so _fabulously hot in there.

Hawkfrost: No...

Tom with rainbow colored eyes and a golden pelt: I know, right?

Hawkfrost: _No..._

Everyone: Say, do you know if there's a gay bar anywhere around here?

Hawkfrost: **NOOOOOO!**

Brokeback, the pink-eyed tom: What was his deal?

Rainbowflag, normal tabby tom with amber eyes: Dunno. Let's go be productive and stuff.

_Gay Toms 2.0 leave, abandoning Dragomscales, Jadefur, and Blueocean._

Dragonscales: Have you ever felt like you did a job badly, and everyone you have ever known and loved is going to turn on you?

Jadefur: Not before this.

Blueocean: DIAMONDCLAN FORGIVE ME...

Jadefur: And just who is DiamondClan?

Blueocean: StarClan, before it was overloaded by Mary Sues.

Jadefur: Ooooh. So we collapsed the canon Clans' government? :D

Blueocean: Pretty much.

Dragonscales: I thought we go to the Dark Forest when we die.

Blueocean: Dark Forest? Oooh, you mean _ObsidianClan!_

_While Blueocean explains the terminology of the Mary Sue Conquests, let's see if Mousefoot was able to violate anyone yet._

Sandstorm: *talking to Brightheart* I wonder what Mousefoot gave me, because I was cured of my greencough _without catmint!_

Brightheart: Uhh, yeah. *coughs awkwardly* Miraculous, huh?

_...okay then..._

Pyramid Head: *rocking behind tree* Oh God...Oh God...Oh God...

Mousefoot: *grabby paws* Where arrrrre you?

Pyramid Head: *stabs Mousefoot with Great Knife and runs*

Mousefoot: Excellent- *dies*

_DEAR LORD I FORGOT ABOUT STARGAZE FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER MUST TYPE NAO..._

Lionblaze: Oh no...oh no...oh, StarClan, no...

Stargaze: *comes back to life, fully rejuvenated* THE GAME.

Lionblaze: SHUT UP! *slashes Stargaze's throat* Oh no...Oh noooo...Is this real life?

Seaeyes, gray she-cat with glowing blue-green eyes: Or just fantasy?

Lionblaze: SHUT YOUR MOUTH. *slashes Seaeyes's throat* Oh no..._**OH STARCLAN WHYYYYY**_

_Meanwhile, the gay toms are building a buffet for the Clans on the Island._

Brokeback: Mind if we join?

Gaypride: Do you have at least twenty pieces of prey?

Brokeback: *points to comrades* One dump truck for each tom.

Gaypride: _Fabulous!_

Let'sride: Pile 'em up over there. *beckons to the mother of all fresh-kill piles*

_Gay toms rock! But there are always going to be religious jerkweeds who don't agree..._

Protester Cat (Perfectangel): gayz r nawt ppl 2!1!1

Protester Cat No.2 (Haloface): no rites 4 gayz!

Dovewing: These guys aren't Mary Sues, right?

Lionblaze: No, why?

Dovewing: *slashes throats of Perfectangel and Haloface*

_Thank StarClan. :D_


	9. The Plan

**I'm in the updating mood so I'm POWERUPDATINGSHAZAM. You may have noticed I deleted Chapter 1... that chapter was a horrific flaming pile of horse manure. And if you see random a random ellipsis, it probably means FF is being a jerk and is omitting the words that used to be there. Well...they are sort of nonsensical, mashed-together words. BUT STILL.**

**Also, please raise your hands if you wish to see a Mary Sue directory. It must be getting pretty hard to remember all the Mary Sues in here...**

Dragonscales: EXCEPT FOR ME BECAUSE I'M SO AMAZING

_Heavystep finds himself in quite deep shiii...*notices K+ rating* water! Yeah...water. Anyway, he's in trouble for killing Diamondshimmer and Pheonixinferno._

Heavystep: Oh dear...oooohhhh dear... I'll never be allowed into RiverClan again!

Leopardstar: Got that right.

Heavystep: Shut up. You're dead, Mistystar is the new leader, and her son is deputy.

Spoiler Man: **SPOILER ALERT- aw, crud.**

Leopardstar: I know, but the author likes me! _Ha! _She'll be writing me into the rest of her chapters! *smug smirk*

Heavystep: If you haven't noticed already, you're not the only dead character she's reincarnated.

Leopardstar: I would kill you, but you'd come back to life.

Heavystep: Just help me move the bodies.

Leopardstar: What bodies? All I see are strikingly gorgeous she-cats grooming their beautiful flowing golden and snow-white pelts while their intelligent bluish-green and/or violet eyes survey the scene with supernatural powers bestowed upon them by DiamondClan the Mary Sue StarClan and DEAR STARCLAN WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

Heavystep: *backs away slowly, paws forming cross*

Shimmeringsun, a tabby and orange (NEVERMIND THE IMPOSSIBILITY, JUST GO WITH IT) she-cat: Hello, Heavystep. I've heard a lot about you.

Snakestrike, obsidian-black she-cat with white legs and fluorescent blue eyes: The same can be said about you, Leopardstar.

Twistedmind, black she-cat with black eyes (DO NOT QUESTION THIS ASDFGHJKL;): YES WE WANT TO KILL YOU! 8D Oh, forgive my manners, you are quite popular in DiamondClan.

Pheonixinferno: Hurrr, wut's Dymundkiln?

Diamondshimmer: Just...just don't talk, Mentally Handicapped Squirrel.

Pheonixinferno: *derpy eyes* i are taste purdy colors

Diamondshimmer: *thinks* _Sweet Bluestar on a bagel, she's gone downhill. No one will miss her if I kill her, right?_

Everyone: Nope.

Diamondshimmer: _That was odd. So, I can always dump her body in the lake, and no one will be the wiser. It's perfect! Nevermind the fact that it didn't work out for Hollyleaf! But, MHS is quite chubby. I'll need some help rolling her body down._

Leopardstar: I can help! :D

Diamondshimmer: _Okay, that's just scary. It's like they're reading my mind..._

Leopardstar: *whispers to Heavystep* She does realize she's talking aloud, right?

_The Mentally Handicapped Squirrel With a Sharp Object begins her descent to complete and utter, Pinkie Pie-esque insanity. We aren't surprised. In other news, Timmy fell down the well again due to a lack of balance from an inner-ear infection, and Mousefoot is holding a rock-paper-scissors match with Pyramid Head._

Pyramid Head: No fair! You can't keep choosing rock!

Mousefoot: I don't have thumbs, you mental midget.

Pyramid Head: Hey, at least I'm smarter than Pheonixinferno up there. *points to previous exchange*

_Pheonixinferno is sitting in a corner in Heavystep's den/dungeon, staring at the wall._

Pheonixinferno: *thinking* _Excellent. They've fallen for my ditzy kitty act. Now on to challenge Einstein's theory of relativity, then finally solve the conundrum of cold fusion, and just for fun, become the first cat in SPACE. All before naptime at 8:00 A.M. Damn gay toms will probably have all of that accomplished by 7:30 A.M. Add "No gay cats" to warrior code._

_*blink blink* Uh...let's go back to the rock-paper-scissors match._

Mousefoot: I WIN! *pelvic thrusts* IN YO' FACE! IN YO' FACE!

Pyramid Head: Yeah, yeah...

Mousefoot: NYAN NYAN NYAN!

Pyramid Head: Don't rub it in.

Mousefoot: Now you have to kill me! HA!

Pyramid Head: Wait, what?

Mousefoot: I'd prefer to be thrown into the ThunderClan camp from the highest point, please and thank you! :)

_Meanwhile, on the Island, the gay toms are sitting in a circle, discussing pressing matters._

Gaypride: We all know that it has to be an _inside _job, right?

Fabulousfur: Yes. That has been made very clear.

Rainbowflag: But why? Can't they do it...?

Gaypride: No, it won't work if _they _do it. We must. We have gained their trust, they'll never suspect a thing. They think we're one of them.

Let'sride: *stomps paw* And we're _not._

Gaypride: Exactly.

**What are those crazy toms up to now? Find out in the next installment! :D**


End file.
